Photo by Mark via Flickr

The Security Advisor’s Tale

In which a highly decorated 3-star general is dismissed from his position in the new administration after just 24 days.

Not sure I can shed much light
On how things are gonna go.
I was in and out in a hurry,
The whole thing was rather blurry,
But I’ll tell you a bit of what I know.

For me, it started with the Convention,
Where I aimed for a heavyweight K-O.
The line-up was really weak,
Giuliani is a freak!
And, who the fuckity FUCK is Scott Baio?

I never really wanted the limelight;
I preferred the “out of sight” role.
But once I got on stage,
I could barely contain my rage.
Crushing Hillary was my only goal.

I started up that call and response,
I yelled it out to the furious crowd.
LOCK HER UP! I wailed
LOCK HER UP, they railed.
It got really ugly, really loud.

Apparently that impressed the Boss,
’Cause the job offer came in real quick.
I’d be the NSA guy,
Tell him who to bomb and why,
And double as White House apparatchik.

I was truly flushed with excitement,
Even though I wasn’t in office yet.
I texted Comrade Kislyak,
Said, “Sergey, baby, call me back.
“Big news on sanctions you AIN’T gonna get.”

Turns out I shouldn’t have done that
The impropriety really miffed ‘em.
Obama was lame duck
Who thought he’d give a fuck?
All I said was, “Yeah, we’re gonna lift ‘em”.

They all knew what they were getting,
They knew my background and my work.
I’ve cosied up to Pooty,
I considered it my duty.
Shit, I even defended that lunatic Turk.

So, I figured it was hunky dory
And I’d never actually get caught.
I prepared with big-time fervor,
Got my home-based email server,
Never gave the Russian shit another thought.

Coupla days later Mike Pence stops by
Asking questions ‘bout my telephone calls.
I denied every bit,
Used the “Fake News” bullshit.
I showed him my three-star general’s balls.

Problem was, it just wouldn’t stop.
The FBI kept coming around.
“Did you speak to the Russians?
“Are you aware of repercussions?
“Have a listen to this tape that we just found.”

I did what any smart guy would do
And fabricated to beat the band.
The boss knew all along,
He never said that I’d done wrong,
And he bragged he had Jim Comey in his hand.

The worst was that freaky blond chick —
Bleating how Boss-man had my back.
She caused quite the stir,
When she dressed like Aaron Burr,
Bigly clue she is totally whack.

Anyway, you probably know the rest —
I got fired or resigned or whatever.
I’m not allowed to speak,
Or to talk about the leak.
But I will not remain silent forever.

I’m glad you asked me to participate,
Happy to add my story to this canon;
Let me give you some advice,
I will not say this twice.
Save America and rid it of Steve Bannon.

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